An antidote to resentment and cynicism - living in the present will set us free.

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Social media would have us believe that, as we reach a certain age, the world around us begins looking disjointed and broken, while the world behind us is remembered as  reassuring and predictable - the nostalgically secure 'good old days'. Of course, a lifetime is a journey not defined by past or future - it is shaped by the incremental decisions that we make in the present. To allow oneself to be imprisoned by some form of generational label is self-debilitating. Similarly, to live in perpetual hope of a brighter future (or in fear of a worse one) robs us of the present. The present is all that we can control, and the incremental gains (or losses) that we realise in the present shape the future, pixel by pixel, until the picture is complete.

 

Our life journey, then, is largely shaped by the accumulation of incremental gains and losses, but there can be no denying that there are monumental events that come around to throw the entire equilibrium out of balance. There is no point in telling a victim of war, abuse, displacement, natural disaster, or any such life-changing event that they are not defined by that event. We cannot be blind to big life-events or pretend that they do not exist - they occur in our own lives, and they occur in the lives of those that we teach. Whether we are broken by these events (or not) is informed by a multitude of variables, but, ultimately, whether we break or not is a decision of our own, and there are things within our control that can restore the incremental balance.

 

My first and most powerful realisation when considering the effect of monumental events is that life is unpredictable, owes me nothing, and can be cruel. Bad things do happen to good people, there are evil people about who bring harm onto others, and we do not have control over all events and people. What keeps me strong is the power of focusing on the present - on what I can control - and of letting go of that which is beyond my control. By prioritising my energies on that which I can influence, I prevent myself from burning up chasing things over which I have no control.

 

In times of crisis I hold fast to the stoic principle of Amor Fati - an acceptance of reality as a necessary and meaningful part of life, seeing challenges as opportunities (for example, I have met some of the kindest people when I have been at my lowest ebb, and grown so much as a person because of that), cultivating a detachment from outcomes (which shifts our focus from controlling events to responding well to them), and living with a sense of gratitude for life as it is rather than constantly wishing it was different. 

 

Mindfulness is a powerful practice in the process of healing. Finding a place and time to pay attention to our thoughts, emotions, and actions (and to write it down) enables us to maintain our focus on that which is within our control, rather than the externalities beyond our control. This self-conversation is not the same as the ever-repeating loop dialogue of doubt that can result as we re-live a crisis aspect by aspect. By focusing on the present, we can detach from the past and allow ourselves to embody ethical principles in the moment.  

 

Expressing gratitude may seem counter-intuitive when one is fighting a battle of survival against a life-changing event, but the cultivating of a sense of gratitude can be transformational. By recognising the value of the present and the many blessings that can often be taken for granted, we create perspective, and that feeds personal healing. 

 

And finally, the realisation of the incredible power of forgiveness to liberate us from the past frees us to grow in the present. The act of forgiveness - or the experience of being forgiven - allows us to come to terms with a world in which, 'despite their best intentions people are unfair to each other and hurt each other deeply' (Lewis Smedes). By forgiving others we free ourselves emotionally and take ourselves out of the past and into the present. Forgiveness is an act of our own personal will, a decision - not an emotion or a feeling. To forgive is 'to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you'.  As Lance Morrow writes '... not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business. Not to forgive is to yield oneself to another's control... to be locked into the sequence of action and response, of outrage and revenge, escalating always. The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by the past. Forgiveness frees the forgiver; it extracts the forgiver from someone else's nightmare'.

 

 

 

 

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