Lessons that Last Forever

It dawned on me the other day that I am of an age where I have met with thousands of teachers in my time, observed countless teacher-pupil interactions, and observed the very best and the very worst of this most noble of callings. 

And while there are many teachers who conscientiously teach their subject as if that were the whole point of their calling, every now and again there is the true gem - the teacher that first builds the child, and then, through relational inspiration, orientates the child into their specific subject. I don’t really remember anything specific about my high-school Science lessons as a child, but I remember everything about my teacher, and there are lessons that he taught us as a class of human souls that I hold fast to still and in a life-time of my own Science teaching, emulate daily. 

Acclaimed Irish psychologist Tony Humphreys has been instrumental in my growth as an teacher, and taught me a great truth that has informed my understanding of the unique role that teachers play in the lives of those that they teach. For we can only raise our students to the level of psycho-social maturity to which we have risen ourselves.  A mature teacher is one who has undertaken the journey of self-discovery and self-healing. Our unresolved wounds, fears, and biases unconsciously shape how we interact with our pupils. To truly inspire and nurture, teachers must first attend to their own inner world, for it is only in knowing themselves that they can fully know and support the unique individuality of each child. The best teachers, then, nourish first the humanity in the room, and only then fill the space with the exciting facts and challenges of the subject of the day.

And through that, a ‘mature teacher’ creates psychologically ‘mature’ pupils. The classroom becomes a safe, undefended space where mistakes are embraced positively and knowledge acquisition becomes growth. In the classroom and on the sports-field this manifestation of ‘maturity’ represents (for me) the very best that the teaching profession stands for. 

I have seen the worst of teachers as well - the bullies who pretend to be disciplinarians to hide their shadow self, the over-friendly teachers who vicariously re-live their need for childhood belonging, and worst of all, those who use their position and positional charisma before a captive audience for selfish purposes, and do harm, damaging the souls entrusted to them.  And while the worst of these behaviours are legislated against, many ‘below-threshold’ behaviors - careless comments, throw-away sarcasm, rendering invisible, favoritism, amongst many others - are not, and can cause untold harm many years after the child has left the class. 

Tony Humphreys’ concept of the shadow self and shadow behavior is rooted in the idea that aspects of ourselves that we find unacceptable, painful, or difficult to acknowledge are often repressed into our unconscious mind. These hidden parts (our shadow selves) are typically formed in response to childhood experiences where certain feelings, thoughts, or behaviors were deemed unworthy, wrong, or shameful by others or by ourselves. According to Humphreys, shadow behavior arises when our shadow self manifests outwardly in ways that are defensive, reactive, or harmful. For example, unresolved insecurities may lead to controlling or judgmental behavior toward others. Such behaviors often project the unresolved issues of our shadow onto other people, causing us to misinterpret their actions or motivations. Teachers are in the unique position where they must be conscious of their own shadow behaviors and aware of the impact that has on the formation of the shadow self in the children in their care. Embracing and working through our shadow is critical for emotional maturity, healthier relationships, and self-awareness. 

What an awesome honor, and how liberating the realization that we are called to teach so much more than ‘mere’ subjects. We spend a lot of time analyzing grades, yet the real indicator of our success is in the humanity that we have formed. It is not one or the other, of course - grades have their purpose - yet how much greater the impact when, like my Science teacher of old, some forty years later he is remembered for how he built our humanity first, his gentle eccentricities, and above all, his kindness.